Leave your dignity at the door
However long I work with people both antenatally, and postnatally, I never stop being surprised at the language so often used pre, post, and even during (!!) birth - and how utterly damaging it can be.
One example that I sadly hear relatively often is “I spoke to my mum / sister / midwife / doctor / friend / beautician, so I know once I go in to labour, I just have to leave my dignity at the door”
Let’s break that down.
Dignity:
/ˈdɪɡnɪti/
noun
The state or quality of being worthy of honour or respect.
Let’s imagine that when people said this phrase, they actually broke down what dignity meant.
I hope we would feel shocked at the idea that when you go in to labour, when you literally bring human life in to this world, you are somehow less worthy of honour or respect.
I can honestly say, hand on heart, that I have never honoured or respected myself more that the days I gave birth. I have never felt more dignified, impressive and downright Goddess like than the day I brought my daughter earthside.
That feeling is what I try and carry with me whenever I need to remind myself why I do what I do, and why birth education and preparation is so important.
Unfortunately, I think this sort of phrase is often used to excuse healthcare professionals lack of respect when people aren’t comfortable exposing themselves in pregnancy, or having vaginal examinations, or being overly observed / touched.
It’s not good enough, and we never lose the right to be treated with care and to feel dignified throughout. If that isn’t happening, it is the system that needs to change - not us that need to lose our dignity!
It shouldn’t really need saying but just to finish with a reminder:
Every. Single. Person. Has. A. Right. To. Maternity. Care. Which. Respects. Our. Fundamental. Human. Dignity.
For further reading, www.aims.org.uk and www.birthrights.org.uk are a great place to start
If you’d like to be in touch and discuss your birth or debrief any issues that this brings up - I’d love to hear from you x